What advice do you give a pastor the night before his wedding?

My family and I arrived home at 2:00 am this morning from a weekend wedding to which I was involved.  A dear friend of mine, who has served as an associate pastor for many years, was getting married.  As he approached the age of 40 years old, the Lord in His grace brought an amazing woman into his life and they were wed in a very moving, Christ exalting service of worship. I was honored to be apart of it.

And yet, I have to admit.  This is a very unique situation.  A man serving as a pastor for 15 years as a single man, now suddenly finds himself married.  More importantly, this woman now finds herself a pastor’s wife.  Those of us who are pastors and know the pressures both marriage and ministry bring upon our wives, we reailze this will bring additional joys and struggles as they begin their new life together as one.

After the rehearsal dinner, several of this man’s closest friends, mostly pastors also, sat around a table and we shared not just general marrital advice, but words that would hopefully be a help to him as he tries to care for his new wife who also finds herself “a pastor’s wife.”  Here were a few of the words spoken and I share them for both the benefit of married and single, pastor and aspiring pastor:

- You can always have another ministry.  You only get one wife.

- Before you touch her body, touch her mind and her heart (CJ Mahaney).

- Make sure your heart regularly longs to be with her more than other church members.

- Realize there is one position harder than the pastor…the pastor’s wife.

- Laugh a lot and often together.

- Make sure you do not find yourself more patient and gracious with the sins and struggles of church members more than your wife.

All weddings remind me of the treasure my wife is to me, but this one especially did as I consider all she patiently and faithfully endures as both my wife and a pastor’s wife.  What an amazing, undeserving helpmate she is to me and this wedding reminded me of that gift.

Pastors, may this post remind you of the unique gift of your wife and partner in your ministry.  It is a ministry that you cannot do without her.  Make sure you tell her of your thankfulness for her today.

Posted in The Pastor's Soul, Weddings
4 comments on “What advice do you give a pastor the night before his wedding?
  1. scott says:

    Thanks for the reminder. As pastor’s, our wives are usually our greatest blessing, our biggest supporters, and often overlooked by the church and even us. Again, thanks for that reminder.

  2. PAUL TAUTGES says:

    This is so very helpful! Thanks, Brian.

  3. Nathan Finn says:

    A study in contrasts: you were offering godly counsel to the would-be groom. I was making sure the would-be bride and her friends didn’t burn down my house as they roasted s’mores and talk about whatever it is that women talk about the night before the wedding. You got the better end of the evening. Then again, I did get s’mores. ;-)

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