My Emergency Sabbatical
By Hector Candelaria
I coveted the prosperity of other church planters.
Envy. It’s something pastors hardly talk about. Just like Asaph when he coveted the prosperity of the wicked (Psalm 73) I coveted the prosperity of other church planters. This sin of envy crept up into my life close to the two year anniversary of the church plant. At that time, I was finding myself questioning my calling as a lead planter. Though, I had a previous experience planting a church in Cleveland, OH and it did not work out as expected but God was faithful and saved people through those efforts.
Afterward, I had the opportunity to be part of a church planting team within a plurality of elders in Puerto Rico. There, I experimented with what it was like to pastor in a plurality of elders but not as a lead planter. So, when the time came to be sent out to Dorado, also in Puerto Rico where I’m serving now, I was excited. My wife and I were sent with a core team, and I had the opportunity to plant with another elder on board. It couldn’t get any better than that.
I was placing my satisfaction in my performance
However, carrying the load as the lead guy was beginning to take a toll on me but for the wrong reasons. Thank God I did not have any external pressures to try to make the church grow. No one was forcing me to produce something only God could do in the salvation of sinners. Although, I began to place undue pressure on myself, and this began to create a sensation of dissatisfaction in my life.
As a result, this caused me to enter a state of spiritual depression. I was not trusting God only in my abilities to make the church grow. The theology in my head was not going down to my heart. I knew intellectually that God was in control of every situation, but I truly questioned if I should remain as a lead church planter. All this led me to fear, and I was becoming the man whom James describes as “double-minded and unstable in all his ways” (Jms 1:8).
For this reason, I was sad constantly and my wife even said I had become someone she could barely recognize. What happened was that I dealt with these feelings alone instead of talking to someone about it with the excuse, I would handle it. Little did I know it would handle me and this sin would flourish before my eyes. But thanks be to God for pastors who love me and exposed my sin through God’s Word and the Spirit convicted me. I was not seeking him how I should have.
The plan that would help me thrive
Therefore, a proposition was given by the pastors who counseled me. To take a ten-week sabbatical to remove the ministry load off my shoulders, begin the healing process, and see where God would lead me as I sought his face. Also, I had to remove myself from all ministry chats, get out of social media and focus my attention on the Scriptures. Not like I needed anything else.
Therefore, that was the plan, and if it was going to work and I was going to create new habits, and let the Lord restore my soul I needed to be all in. Of course, I agreed, and this is what I learned.
I learned to go deeper in my relationship with Christ
Before the sabbatical, my devotional time with the Lord was not as present as it should have. Yes, I read my Bible but somehow, I was not going deep enough for it to be transformational. As a pastor, I thought too much about the sermon I was to preach and usually, there would be an excuse that the sermon preparation would be a time to be in the Word and that it would minister to my life.
This of course is true, and I don’t want to discourage any pastor who does this. But in my experience even though the sermon preparation should speak to me first it is not the same thing as a personal devotional time. However, as I do my devotions now I have learned how to apply the Scriptures only to myself without thinking of the church members or how this can give me content to post on social media. Thus, today I don’t compromise with this time for anything. This sabbatical has exposed my shallowness in the word and has made go deeper to renew my love for Christ. If I don’t pay close attention to myself first, I cannot pay attention to my family and the church God has placed under my care.
I learned to take control of my eating and exercise habits
Before the sabbatical, I had a very sedentary lifestyle. I was not taking care of the body God had given me. I’m sure many can relate. As Christians, we often think more of alcoholism as a sin and not gluttony. In Puerto Rico, we have a saying, “Christians don’t drink but they sure know how to eat.” This of course is not true; the saying means Christians eat a lot, not that we eat healthy and that was me.
After all, I was not exercising, and I ate anything I found. However, when the sabbatical began there was a text that helped me give priority to my exercise and eating habits. I needed it to be a conviction in my life and the word would be the foundation.
2 Peter 1:5-8, For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, 6 knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, 7 godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (CSB)
As a result, This passage gave way for me to understand that as a Christian God had given me everything I needed for life and holiness (2 Pt 1:3), but I was not being self-controlled, I was not enduring, and I was not making every effort. My life was not reflecting the gospel of Jesus Christ. All these were elements I prayed about, and God answered.
From day one I began exercising and since then it has changed my mood and given me an energy I have not experienced in a long time. Also, I am doing a diet that has helped me lose weight and not feel hungry all the time because I have been learning from friends and different sources about nutrition. These two new habits have helped me gain control of my emotions and given me extra energy that has helped me make every effort in my spiritual maturity and to endure in hard seasons. So, If I don’t pay close attention to myself first, I cannot pay attention to my family and the church God has placed under my care.
I learned to have a better-quality time with my family
Moreover, before the sabbatical, my family time was not as fruitful. Let me explain, my family was not abandoned but because of the spiritual depression I found myself in I was not doing fun activities with them. My sedentary lifestyle did not help, and I did not have much disposition to go and walk in the park, go to the beach, etc. All because of my performance driven identity.
In addition, the spiritual time with my wife was being affected. I was not caring for her spiritually as I should have but thanks be to God, I have a wife who prayed for me and encouraged me in this difficult season. Today, we have days where we do fun things, things that bring us joy, like going for a family walk, and having conversations focused on God’s word. Also, the time I spend with my four-year old daughter is more enriching because I have the energy to play with her.
For this reason, if I don’t pay close attention to myself first, I cannot pay attention to my family and the church God has placed under my care. Therefore, I am thankful today for the wisdom God has given the pastors who have cared for my soul. This emergency sabbatical by the grace of God has in the words of my wife “saved us.”
Pastor Hector in 2014 began to serve as a Church Planter in the city of Cleveland, reaching the Hispanic community. Currently, Pastor Hector is completing his master’s in theological studies with a concentration in pastoral ministry at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is also one of the Pastors of Iglesia Missio Dei in Dorado, PR