What to Do When You Disagree with a Sermon Your Husband Preached
By: Bethel B Webb
It's a unique experience to be married to your pastor. You know this person. Their faults, their strengths, their sin struggles, hopes and dreams. You are aware of their inner thoughts in ways no one sitting in those pews ever will be. And sometimes, that means you sit through a Sunday morning sermon and feel something no one else in the room feels: disagreement. Maybe even discomfort.
This is the strange, sacred tension of the pastor's wife.
So what do you do with it? Is it okay to share your disagreement? And what if he's not even open to feedback?
These are real questions and they deserve honest answers. The good news is that disagreeing with your husband's sermon doesn't make you a bad wife or a disloyal partner in ministry. It might actually make you one of the most valuable people in his life, if you handle it well.
Before You Say Anything, Ask Yourself These Questions
Before you approach him, slow down and work through these honestly:
1. Do you have a marriage where open communication is welcome? Not every couple has built that yet, and that's okay but it matters. If your marriage doesn't have that foundation, the sermon disagreement might not be the place to start. Consider whether this conversation might first need to be about how you two communicate, not what he preached.
2. Is this something you absolutely need to tell him? Ask yourself: Was something theologically inaccurate or potentially harmful to the congregation? Did he misrepresent Scripture in a way that matters? Or do I simply see this differently than he does? There's a difference between a concern that needs to be voiced and a preference that can be held loosely. Not every disagreement demands a conversation.
3. Are you angry or disgusted? If the answer is yes — be honest with yourself — you need to process that with God before you process it with your husband. This doesn't mean your anger is wrong or that you need to suppress it. It means that bringing raw, unprocessed emotion into a sensitive conversation rarely leads anywhere good. Pray. Journal. Sit with it. Ask God to give you a heart that is both honest and kind. When you've done that work, you'll be far more equipped to speak in a way he can actually hear.
How to Approach Him
When you're ready, here's a gentle framework:
Ask him how he felt about the sermon. Let him go first. You might be surprised. He may already sense something was off, or he might be riding high on how it went. Either way, his answer tells you a lot about how to proceed.
Ask if he's open to feedback right now. Timing matters enormously. Right after the service, he may be emotionally raw or still in "pastor mode." Ask rather than assume.
Ask if you can share how you felt. This simple step, asking permission, changes the entire tone. It signals respect and keeps the conversation from feeling like an ambush.
Lead with curiosity, not correction. Try "I wasn't sure I followed your point about..." rather than "I think you got that wrong." You are his partner, not his editor. Coming alongside him even in disagreement honors both your relationship and his calling.
What to Look Forward To
Here's the gift buried inside this tension: a pastor who has a wife willing to lovingly, honestly engage with his preaching is a richer preacher for it. Iron sharpens iron and no one is better positioned to sharpen him than you.
These conversations, handled with grace, can deepen your marriage and strengthen his ministry. You are not a liability when you disagree. You are, when you handle it well, one of God's most faithful tools in his life.
So speak carefully, kindly, and with confidence that your voice matters.
Bethel was born in Manila and was raised in Laoag City, Philippines. She earned a BA in Social Sciences (2014) from the University of the Philippines-Baguio, an MA in Biblical Counseling (2018), and a Doctorate in Education (2021) from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Bethel’s research interests are in Epistemology, Discipleship & Human Development, Christian education, Cross-cultural Education, and Biblical Counseling.
Bethel also works with Dr. Eric Johnson as the coordinator of Christian Psychology Institute.
Growing up as a pastor’s kid exposed Bethel to the challenges of full-time ministry. She partners with Practical Shepherding through providing counseling to pastor’s wives.
