When Shepherds Are Wounded: Hope for Pastors Recovering from Spiritual Abuse

By Tara Figgins

When conversations about spiritual abuse make headlines, they almost always focus on abuse committed by pastors.

Those stories deserve to be told.

But another story is rarely heard—the pastor who becomes the target of spiritual abuse by those serving alongside him.

For many faithful shepherds, the deepest wounds of ministry don’t come from outside the church but from within its leadership. They unfold in private meetings and carefully managed conversations the congregation never sees. By the time decisions become public, narratives have often been established and reputations quietly damaged.

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

Before defining spiritual abuse, it’s important to acknowledge that we live in a culture where the language of trauma and abuse is often applied too broadly. A teacher who is firm is labeled abusive. A parent who sets healthy boundaries is called controlling. A pastor who leads with biblical conviction through an unpopular decision may be described as domineering simply because others disagree.

When every painful experience is labeled abuse, the word loses its meaning. That does a disservice both to those who have been genuinely harmed and to the church’s ability to recognize real spiritual abuse when it occurs.

Scripture treats the misuse of spiritual authority with profound seriousness. God repeatedly warns shepherds against exploiting, lording over, or neglecting His flock, while also calling His people to respect faithful spiritual leadership. Biblical authority is not abusive simply because it is authoritative or unpopular. Spiritual abuse occurs when God-given authority is distorted and weaponized to manipulate, shame, control, or harm those entrusted to its care.

Counselor and trauma expert Rachael Clinton Chen defines spiritual abuse as:

“The distortion and exploitation of spiritual authority to manipulate, control, use, or harm others, mostly through shame and fear. It is using vulnerability to exploit.”

Spiritual abuse is often difficult to recognize because it rarely begins with dramatic moments. More often, it develops through repeated patterns: truth becoming secondary to protecting influence, vulnerability being exploited rather than protected, and fear replacing love as the primary means of leadership. Individual moments may seem explainable in isolation, but together they reveal a culture that has drifted from the heart of Christ.

Whether committed by a pastor, an elder board, denominational leaders, or a ministry team, spiritual abuse occurs whenever authority is used to preserve power instead of pursue truth.

When Leadership Stops Looking Like Shepherding

The New Testament portrays elders as undershepherds serving under the Chief Shepherd, Jesus Christ. Their authority exists to care, restore, protect, and guide—not control.

Leadership becomes spiritually abusive when it begins to reflect the priorities of power rather than the character of Christ.

It may look like:

• A pastor’s humility or confession being used against him instead of becoming the beginning of restoration.

• Biblical language being used to justify predetermined conclusions rather than seek truth.

• Public criticism replacing biblical correction.

• Meetings that intimidate rather than discern.

• Protecting reputations instead of pursuing truth.

• Decisions driven by politics, alliances, or fear rather than prayerful wisdom.

• Promises of pastoral care offered publicly but withheld privately.

• Honest questions labeled as divisive.

• Creating division within the body rather than laboring to preserve its unity.

• Abandoning the flock when preferred outcomes are not achieved, leaving others to bear the wounds and consequences of the conflict.

These aren’t merely unhealthy leadership habits; they are distortions of spiritual authority. Biblical shepherds lay down personal preferences for the good of the flock. When leaders instead pursue influence, vindication, or self-protection at the expense of Christ’s body, they no longer reflect the heart of the Chief Shepherd.

Why Pastors Often Miss It

Ironically, pastors are often the last to recognize spiritual abuse.

They’ve spent years practicing forgiveness, extending grace, assuming the best, and absorbing criticism without becoming defensive. Those are beautiful Christian virtues.

But unhealthy systems can exploit those very virtues.

Many pastors continue apologizing long after genuine repentance has taken place, believing greater humility will restore trust, only to discover that every act of vulnerability becomes another opportunity for control. As Chen observes, spiritual abuse exploits vulnerability rather than protecting it.

The Hidden Cost

The damage reaches far beyond a pastor’s career.

Calling becomes clouded.

Confidence disappears.

Families carry burdens they never created.

Congregations become collateral damage. Some leave in confusion. Others quietly grieve. Many end up choosing sides without ever knowing what truly happened.

Chen describes this as the “shrapnel” of spiritual abuse. Even those never directly involved often carry lasting wounds because trust within the body of Christ has been fractured.

Jesus Had Strong Words for Spiritual Abuse

Jesus reserved His strongest rebukes not for struggling sinners but for religious leaders who misused their authority.

“Woe to you,” He repeatedly declared to leaders who burdened others while protecting themselves. Because spiritual authority is sacred.

When leaders exploit those entrusted to their care—or one another—they misrepresent the Shepherd they claim to serve.

The Path Toward Healing

Not every difficult leadership conflict is spiritual abuse. Faithful leaders can disagree.

But when authority is consistently used to shame rather than restore, manipulate rather than shepherd, or control rather than seek truth, something far more serious is happening.

Naming that reality isn’t bitterness.

It’s truth.

Healing begins by telling the truth, grieving what was lost, and finding safe people who can bear witness without demanding quick forgiveness or offering simplistic explanations. Above all, it means remembering that abusive leadership does not reveal the heart of God.

The Shepherd Who Never Wounds His Sheep

Many pastors who experience spiritual abuse wonder if they will ever trust the Church—or lead again.

Those questions deserve time, prayer, and compassionate companions.

But one truth remains.

Jesus is still the Chief Shepherd.

Human leaders fail.

Church systems can become unhealthy.

Co-laborers can betray trust.

Christ never exploits vulnerability.

He restores it.

He never uses shame to preserve authority.

He lays down His life for His sheep.

For pastors and their families carrying wounds inflicted by those who were meant to shepherd beside them, healing doesn’t begin by returning to ministry as it once was.

It begins by rediscovering the Shepherd whose leadership has always been marked by truth, humility, justice, and love.

Unlike earthly leaders, Jesus never manipulates, shames, or exploits those who come to Him with vulnerability. He tells the truth without crushing the weary, corrects without humiliating, and leads with a love that is both holy and healing. And he stays, He always stays.

The wounds inflicted by people may take time to mend, but the voice of the Chief Shepherd is never one of accusation or coercion. It is the voice that still says, “Come to me… and I will give you rest.”