Don't Quit
By Jon Hawkins
I felt done. I was about 6 years into church revitalization at Arbor Drive Community Church and was ready to quit. Not just ready to quit… I wanted to quit. I longed to quit. I was looking for any excuse to quit. It had happened before but this time it was different. I was tired of the arguments and I seriously wondered if I wanted to raise my children in a church fraught with conflict. The church that sent us felt like a family. When we left it felt like leaving home. Now I felt like I was a part of a dysfunctional family and I wanted to go back home. It wasn’t just the church. We had always wanted to raise our children on some property because we wanted them to have that experience and cultivate the values that come from that. Land prices were way too high around our area and it seemed that we would never be able to move out of town. Add to that all the manufactured and selfish reasons I came up with to leave, and I was ready to go. I would have been willing to just jump in a car with the family and leave all our possessions behind. That’s how done I was. I also knew I wasn’t in a good place to be making those decisions and I didn’t want to act rashly. At the very least, we needed to get away. I needed some time. I had to figure this out.
I would have been willing to just jump in a car with the family and leave all our possessions behind. That’s how done I was.
So I packed up the family and we took a much needed vacation back to Missouri to visit our friends who had become like family at our last church. During that visit, we stayed with Jeff and his wife Donna, a family that basically adopted us when we lived there and it was just my wife and I. He had been more than a friend. He was like a spiritual Father. Of all the people in my life, I just wanted to be with them and have him help me sort through this. We enjoyed a wonderful respite but I saw how he interacted with my children… like a loving grandfather… and I longed for those kinds of relationships for my kids. It didn’t help any small and dwindling resolve I had to stay. I had asked if he would be willing to host the elders of that church and their families for an evening and if they would be willing to sit down with me and help me out. I trusted them and their wisdom and commitment to Christ and the word had been formative in my life. I needed that.
And so, one evening, we all got together and ate supper at Jeff and Donna’s. Then the 4 elders I loved and looked up to and I went down to the basement and I started explaining where I was at. I told them everything, my frustrations with ministry, the state of the church, my current hopelessness, my longings for what we had at their church… everything. Each one listened and then I asked them for advice. One man in particular, Tim, shared something with me that would prove to be nothing less than God’s grace. He had served as a pastor in the Kansas City area years ago and had quit. He had experienced many of the same things I was, but he left that church. They moved to the Springfield area and he got a job as a barber. He served in the church and became a lay elder. Now he was the preaching pastor of their church full time. He looked at me and told me that looking back, he wished he had not quit the church in Kansas City. While he was thankful for how God had worked in his life and where he is now, he regretted that decision. He told me not to make the same mistake. He advised me to give it a year. Commit one more year and give my all over that year while praying fervently for the church and for the things that I was struggling with. All those men also committed to pray for me and our church. He asked if I would give it one year. I said I would.
When I came back, nothing had changed in the church except me. I committed to give it a year and to devote myself to prayer over that year and I did. Now as I am writing this, I am in a totally different place. God has been gracious and kind to me, my family and our church. Over the time since that visit, many of the issues that were grinding on me have been resolved by God’s providence. God has brought people to our church who have become like family and been a source of encouragement and care for my family and he has changed others who were at the church then and done the same thing. There is community and general peace. Most of all he changed me. He slowly killed some selfishness and self-pity. He gave me a love for this church and the people here. He strengthened me to fulfill the work he has given me. He has raised up faithful men to labor with me as elders and has continued to strengthen and grow those solid men who were with me before and who I am sure, felt some of the same frustration and discouragement. Not only that, but God in his providence provided other things for us as a family, some that we needed, others that we wanted and had been asking for.
As I have reflected back on this, I have been reminded of what Paul told Timothy in 1 Tim 1:3-5:
“As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”
Stay in one place, shepherd through preaching the truth, love the people. Stay, shepherd, preach, love… that is God’s plan for revitalization. I knew that. I was committed to that. I needed to be reminded of that. That doesn’t happen overnight. If I were to take God’s plan for growth and put it in a mathematical equation it would be exposure plus consistency over time. That’s how God works. Brothers, he works the same way in us. I had fooled myself into thinking God didn’t want me to be here. I did that because things were hard. The wise counsel of a godly friend and mentor kept me from acting foolishly and missing out on tremendous blessings that have come over the last few years. Things are really good now and the future looks bright.
Stay in one place, shepherd through preaching the truth, love the people. Stay, shepherd, preach, love… that is God’s plan for revitalization.
Today, there is no way I would even consider going somewhere else. This is our church. I don’t mean that in the way a lot of pastors say “my church”. I mean that in the sense that this is the body of Christ that we love and we are a part of and there is nowhere else I’d rather be. What I learned from this is in most cases, the times when it is hard are the times when it is unwise to think God is calling you somewhere else. When things are hard, we need to ask ourselves if we are willing to devote ourselves to prayer and the ministry of the word with new zeal because that is where the power for transformation and growth is. And what we find on the other end is God was working on us as much as anyone else.
We recently went back for a visit and it was very different from the last time. I spoke with Tim and thanked him for his wise counsel. I am so thankful I listened to him. I am thankful I didn’t bail out when things were hard. I was able to report that God has been faithful and blessed our church, myself and my family. I rejoiced with Jeff and Donna in God’s faithfulness to his church and his word. And when the visit was over and we left, it didn’t feel like we were leaving our home. We left Missouri to go home. Home to our people, our church, and the place God had sovereignly placed us. Brothers, don’t quit. Stay, shepherd and preach, pray, and love the people. We plant and water, God gives growth. You might not have trusted mentors to turn to as I did, and if that’s the case, speaking from experience, the joy of perseverance and the obedience of faith outweighs any potential relief that running might give.
Jon Hawkins is husband to Carlee and they have three daughters Finleigh, Ainsley, and Olivia. Jon earned his Master of Divinity from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and he is the Pastor of Arbor Drive Community Church in York, Nebraska.