After a Miscarriage

by Kellye Carmack

Two years ago this week my husband and I were devastated by a miscarriage. Though we had already had one miscarriage, we were completely blind sighted by this one. We had spent the previous two and half years struggling with infertility and meeting with different doctors and specialists. None of them could figure out what was ‘wrong’ with us and the treatment options we chose led to one month of hope deferred after another. You can imagine our surprise when that little pink cross popped up on the test. We laughed and cried as we marveled at God’s goodness to us. The few weeks that I carried our child were a gift I will always treasure. The joy we had was overwhelming and the grief that followed was crushing. 

Maybe you have experienced this same kind of loss. Please hear me when I say that you don’t have to minimize your grief. Lament. Weep. Grieve. God welcomes it all and He welcomes you. Perhaps you know a couple who has miscarried and you want to know how to minister to them. In the months that followed our miscarriage, our friends and family cared for us in ways that helped us process our grief and move into healing. I want to share three of the most helpful things they did that I think apply to most seasons of grief. 

They listened quietly. 

Many of our closest friends sat with us and let us share our hearts for as long as we needed. They didn’t try to give advice on how to heal, they just let us grieve. They didn’t try to cheer us up, but instead gave us freedom to weep over our loss.

They grieved with us.

My friend Kristen sat with me on her couch and wept over the miscarriage. She held me in her arms and cried even harder than I did. Someday I will tell you the full story of this moment, but for now I will just say that it was a pivotal in my healing.

They blessed us with gifts. 

Who doesn’t love presents? In the month after our miscarriage we were surprised by treats popping up on our doorstep. A good friend from church left my favorites – Diet Coke and dark chocolate on my porch. Another sent a box of pumpkin spice coffee. All were reminders that were loved and not forgotten. 

Other Resource Recommendations::

Lullaby of Hope A friend sent this box to me after our miscarriage and it was so encouraging. 

Do You Love Someone who is Infertile? This book is a great resource if you are caring for someone who is struggling to conceive.

Practical Shepherding Podcast Brian Croft discusses how you can care for a couple after their loss.