Taking our Fears to God
By Kellye Carmack
This weekend is the annual women’s retreat for the ladies of our church. We pack a lot into our weekend. There will be a time for bible study, testimony, and corporate worship. We will pray for those in our church who are suffering and encourage one another with God’s word. Many will stay up late playing games and telling stories over a mountain of sugary snacks. Every year we pick a biblical theme to focus on at the retreat. This year, another girl and I are teaching on the doctrine of adoption. I’m excited to teach because nothing has impacted my life like Scripture. Nothing has shaped and reshaped my thinking like God’s word. I’m eager to share it with others.
And I’m also nervous. Not of giving a presentation or speaking in front of people. I’m nervous about handling the word of God with accuracy. I want to paint an accurate reflection of Him with my words. I want to teach each passage in light of its context in the whole of Scripture. I want to challenge us to grow without imposing man-made laws or legalistic expectations. Scripture is a sword, and the angle we wield it into someone’s heart matters. Pressing in too hard on one point can be suffocating. Drawing poor application from another can be misleading. I know the impact of poor biblical application in my own life and can see it in the lives of others. Lately my instagram has been full of people sharing stories of how they were wounded by a poor handling of the truth. I feel the weight of the responsibility to “correctly handle the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15).
I’m nervous about handling the hearts of our women with tenderness and care. I want to be sensitive with their suffering when sharing truth that does not always feel like reality. Many will come with handfuls of experiences that threaten to convince them that truth is not true. Painful pasts and broken relationships will try to block their view of the only One who can heal. My own stories will be close at hand, nudging me towards doubt rather than conviction. There is a real battle taking place when saints gather to be transformed by God’s word. And I know it can transform. I have confidence in its power to renew the most battle weary mind and crush the lies of the enemy. It’s just my confidence in my ability to teach it that is sometimes in short supply.
Do you have similar fears? Maybe you are preparing to serve your church this week and your limitations feel bigger than the task in front of you. For most of my adult life I’ve questioned my abilities to serve the church and at times it has been debilitating. I wish I could offer a step-by-step plan to overcoming those fears. That would be simple, wouldn’t it? Do these three things, believe a few certain truths and be free from all that hinders you. I’ve tried many times to find lasting change by following a list of practical demands but those templates never fit the complexity of who I am.
So how do we overcome our fears? I wish I could write to you from the perspective of one who has defeated all her giants, but I’m still in the middle of the battle. I’m sitting here at my desk surrounded by bibles, books and notepads wrestling to articulate what is true and right and holding my fears out to God in prayer. In the past when I brought those insecurities to fellow believers I was often scolded for my pride. “It’s not about you” they would say, “it’s about God. Get over yourself.” Friends, I have found God to be much kinder and more gentle in His response. As I pray He reminds me that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He encourages me that the same Word I want to teach correctly is the same Word that equips me for every good work (2 Timothy 3:17). He assures me that He will finish the work He started in me and in the women at our retreat (Philippians 1:6). This morning I’m preparing for our retreat with a new perspective. Instead of obsessing over my inabilities, I’m enjoying a clearer view of a loving Father who is untangling the mess of my doubts and fears and pulling me to a sweeter closeness to Him.