Am I Good Enough?
By Cara Croft
Am I a good pastor’s wife?
It was a question I asked myself many times for as long as we have been in ministry. There was always this nagging doubt, this suspicion that I was not “doing my job” well. I was not supportive enough of my husband, I did not attend a woman’s baby shower, I neglected to go visit the widows, I was impatient with my children, I did not want to work in the nursery, I was too tired to sign up to take a meal to the sick, and the list goes on and on. I could list all of the ways I have failed as a pastor’s wife. I am sure you probably could too. “Being human” has never been a good enough excuse for me because this role requires me to be more than human. I often require that of myself!
I never wanted to be the senior pastor’s wife. When my husband I were dating I knew he wanted to be in ministry, but what he talked about was always more of an associate role. I felt relief because I was not cut out to be the pastor’s wife. I do not sew, I do not bake bread, and above all—I do not play the piano! You can imagine the shock I felt when my husband expressed a desire to take a senior pastor position. While I prayed earnestly against the job, he prayed earnestly for it. We see whose prayers God answered (said jokingly). I never wanted to be the pastor’s wife because I knew I could never live up to what that required of me. I could never be good enough.
That phrase “good enough” is interesting because it can be used in different ways. It can have a negative standard to which we hold ourselves and others. It can also be an excuse to not grow or see our short comings. However, it can also be a phrase that simultaneously acknowledges our weakness and our deficits, while also acknowledging our position before God because of the work Christ did on our behalf. Romans 8:1, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” This verse has become my life verse. It comes after Paul has talked about the ways he fails—the ways his flesh battles with his spirit and how distressing that very battle is. He calls himself a wretched man—that is how intense the battle that raging inside of him felt. Yet he goes on to say that he is not condemned. He is not condemned for the struggle, and he is not condemned for the times he chooses his flesh. He. Is. Not. Condemned. He is good enough.
As I meditate on this verse, as I ponder all of the ways my fleshly desire to be super- human and my spiritual desire to accept my God given limitations fight each other, I am reminded I am not condemned. Rather God sees my meager efforts and tells me that I have done well. God sees my exhaustion and reminds me to rest. God knows my lack of desire to serve and confirms that I am good enough. I do not have to earn God’s approval by being the “put-together” pastor’s wife. I already have God’s approval in Christ, and it is enough. My prayer for you is that this truth may sink a little bit deeper today, that what you have in God is enough even if that means missing the baby shower. God sees you as good enough even when you are hurt by and frustrated with your church members. He knew your limitations, and yet He has called you to this role, and God does not make mistakes. You have a reason and purpose, and it is good enough.
Cara Croft is wife to Brian, mother to 4 adult/teenage children, and has completed her Master's degree in Christian Counseling. She enjoys counseling, reading, and growing in learning to care for the suffering. Cara is also the Director of Counseling Ministry at Practical Shepherding.