Struggling in Ministry? Go to the Psalms.
By Glenna Marshall
I had an emotional breakdown in a fast-food drive thru about twelve years ago. (If anyone from my church is reading this, I hope you feel okay about your mental health knowing that your pastor’s wife wept while waiting in line at Taco John’s. You can feel completely at ease talking to me; I’ve needed a paper bag to breathe into while waiting to pay for my tacos.)
My mom was in town visiting, and as we waited for our order, she asked me a very simple question: “How is church going?” One moment we were waiting for our tacos and potato oles, and the next I was sobbing uncontrollably. Church had been disastrous lately, and it was finally safe to say it out loud.
If you’ve ever been through an extended season of difficulty in ministry, you probably have had a similar breakdown. All it really takes is one question from a person you trust and feel safe with, and you’re suddenly unburdening months, or even years, of inner turmoil on their unfortunate shoulders. I remember hyperventilating in that Taco John’s line and struggling to get the words out: “I’m (gasp) so (sob) lonely.”
I had heard so much criticism about my husband that year that I didn’t know what to do with it all. I knew him better than any church member, and I believed their criticisms to be unfounded. But standing up in a business meeting and defending him publicly was unlikely to make things better. In fact, it would definitely make things worse. There wasn’t anyone I could talk to. I wasn’t sure who I could trust anymore. So I bottled up my emotions and kept them inside until my mom asked me how things were going and I had to assure the Taco John’s cashier that I wasn’t crying about tacos.
It’s a difficult thing to be married to the man in the pulpit sometimes. I wouldn’t change anything about my husband or his calling; I am fiercely committed to him and I deeply love the church. But, the isolation that comes when he is under fire is particularly tricky to navigate. When we’ve walked through hard years of criticism and slander in the past, I haven’t wanted to further burden my husband with my own distress. I’ve kept it inside. I’ve journaled about it. I’ve called an out-of-town friend and vented. I’ve unloaded on my mom in a drive thru.
But, as I’ve (hopefully) matured as a ministry wife, I’ve learned to go quickly to my Lord with my hurting heart. A few years ago, we had a tough season that required me to swallow a lot of personal criticism and gossip. I went to the Psalms, as I’ve learned to do over the years, and I camped out in Psalm 40.
David writes:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, and a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, Your wondrous deeds and Your thoughts toward us; none can compare with You! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.” (Psalm 40: 1-5)
What I love about this psalm is that it forces me to remember the ways the Lord has rescued me from hard things in the past. In the midst of suffering, remember His past faithfulness is crucial. Even if God didn’t remove the trial or pluck me out of it, He sustained me through it. With His faithful hand upholding me, I survived it. And I learned from it that He will not abandon me during difficult days. During that particularly tough year not too long ago, I wrote the date in the margins next to this psalm in my Bible and printed this sentence: “I read this psalm during painful days of church ministry.” And then I made a column and listed all the things the Lord had rescued me from, the final item on the list written in dark, bold letters: unforgiveness.
I often encourage ministry wives to make a study of Psalms. Many of the psalms speak of enduring slander and false accusations. David wrote openly and honestly about wanting to be validated after being wrongly accused or attacked. We can find a right way to express our emotions and hurts to God by reading and praying through the psalms. They are His inspired words! We don’t have to bottle up those feelings of injustice or righteous indignation until we explode. We can take them directly to God with His own language of lament.
If you are struggling through a difficult season of ministry, I encourage you to spend some time in the middle of your Bible. Read the psalms, memorize them, study them, sing them, pray them, journal them. And follow the path that the psalmists do: lament your troubles before the Lord—but then remember His past faithfulness to you. Make a list if you must! He was faithful to you in the past, and He will continue to be faithful to you no matter what. While He may not end your trial when you want Him to, He will be with you through it. He sees. He knows. You will learn that He loves you with an everlasting love when you lean hard on the words of Scripture He has given to sustain us.
Remember that we at Practical Shepherding Women are here for you, especially when you don’t have anyone to talk to. You don’t have to explode in the fast-food drive thru. You contact our women’s ministry staff through our contact page, or directly by emailing Kellye at kcarmackps.@gmail.com to set up a counseling or mentoring session, or check out the services we offer for more information. We’re here for you!