The Sound of Silence and the Place of Solitude
By Cara Croft
Silence. In a house with 4 kids and 2 dogs, I laugh at the thought of silence. Silence. My head is swimming with all the noise, the questions, the thoughts, the to do lists. I sigh with the thought of silence. Silence. The memories, the wounds, the thoughts I try to avoid make me fear the thought of silence. And yet……
Solitude. A mother with children underfoot rolls her eyes at the thought of solitude. Solitude. Introverts rejoice and extroverts tremble at the thought of solitude. Solitude. Images of monks in long robes with incense and stained glass windows. Solitude. And yet……
This might seem like a strange way to start a blog post, but I wanted to capture the tension that this idea of silence and solitude brings to us. We crave it, we fear it. We cry for it, we scream at it. We hate it, we love it. We want it, we push it away. What can be gained by silence? Why do we even need solitude?
These are the things I know. Jesus valued solitude. Jesus took time to withdraw and pray. He was not around people constantly. Even when he was surrounded by the needs of the people he withdrew. If Jesus did this then I need to do it even more. How much more do I need time away from the noise and busyness that is our country? Yet the truth is I am afraid of it. I both crave it and fear it at the same time.
In her book, “Invitation to Solitude and Silence”, Ruth Haley Barton sums it up well. She says that the practices of solitude and silence challenge us on every level: our culture; our relationships; our soul; and we are drawn into spiritual battle. This is part of why we avoid it and it is why we so desperately need it. But the truth is we busy ourselves with the needless worries much like Martha. God is calling us into his divine presence in a different way, much like Mary. To sit at the feet of God, be quiet and just listen. We cannot have silence without solitude. They go hand in hand.
I am convinced that we run away from it because we are terrified of it. Silence takes our relationship with God out of our hands. Have you ever sat with someone who talked nonstop? Have you ever experienced a person who kept talking even if you interrupted them? What was it like? Talking becomes a way of controlling a conversation. If we are always talking then no one can ask us the uncomfortable questions that we need to be asked. It makes sense in our human relationships. So why doesn’t it make sense with God? What if an act of worship is to not talk but to sit silent? What if God desires our silence as much as he desires our words? What are we so afraid of?
Silence. That is my answer. I am afraid of silence. Not my own silence, but silence from God. What if I get alone, I sit quiet all day, and when the time is up I find God has been silent too? What if I go into solitude hoping to find God in a deeper way and do not find Him at all? What if all the things I fear about God is what I experience? What if I show up and He abandons me like my father? What if I am quiet and he criticizes my efforts or makes fun of me like my siblings? What if…….? And then I find I have enough excuses to avoid having to be quiet and alone.
Yet let me share with you a little secret. When I actually take the time to still myself, and sit in my silence, oh the wonders it does for my soul. It is not all happy. Sometimes the silence brings tears that I have been holding in for weeks. Sometimes the silence gives voice to my fears and anxieties. Sometimes silence feels painful. Yet sometimes silence refreshes me and brings me to places of worship I have never experienced. Sometimes God speaks so loud in my silences that I know his voice immediately. Sometimes God whispers so gently that I am comforted and at ease beside Him. Sometimes……. So why not try it? Why not find a place beside a still lake or quiet creek. Why not sit and listen instead of speaking. No magical words, no perfect prayers, no miles of scriptures. Just you, God, and silence.
Cara Croft is wife to Brian, mother to 4 adult/teenage children, and currently finishing her Master's degree in Christian Counseling. She enjoys counseling, reading, and growing in learning to care for the suffering. Cara is also the Director of Counseling Ministry at Practical Shepherding.