What to do with Criticism?

By Dr. Bethel Webb

“You’re too loud.”
“You’re too quiet.”
“Why doesn’t your wife work?”
“Why does your wife work?”
“Your kids are so noisy—can’t you keep them in line?”
“Your kids are too quiet—are they okay?”

If you're a ministry wife, chances are you've heard contradictory comments like these more times than you can count. One moment, you’re too much. The next, not enough. It’s like trying to walk a tightrope in heels, during a storm, while juggling flaming opinions.

And the hardest part? The criticism doesn’t usually come from strangers—it often comes from the very people you're pouring your heart out to serve.

So what do you do when feedback feels more like a jab than a gentle suggestion? How do you respond when it’s personal, painful, and persistent?

Let’s walk through this together—with grace, wisdom, and a whole lot of help from the Holy Spirit.

1. You Can’t Please Everyone… and You’re Not Supposed To

You already know this—but let’s say it louder for the ladies in the back:
You were not called to be everyone’s cup of tea.

Some won’t agree with your parenting style. Others will question your work choices, your schedule, your calling—or how you make deviled eggs for the potluck.

Guess what? Jesus—the only perfect human—was misunderstood, misquoted, mocked, and rejected. Paul got dragged by critics in nearly every letter he wrote. If they didn’t get a free pass from criticism, why would we?

When we live for the favorable opinion of people, we set ourselves up for burnout and bitterness. Instead, anchor your heart in the unwavering love and opinion of God—the One who called you, sees you, and loves you as you are.

Helpful saying:
“God’s opinion is steady. People’s opinions shift like a moving target. 

2. Learn the Holy Art of Letting Go… and When to Engage

Ministry life is like living in a fishbowl—people are always watching, sometimes whispering, occasionally poking.

You can’t stop the commentary, but you can choose your response.

There’s holy wisdom in learning what to let go. Not out of passivity, but out of maturity. You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to, nor defend every life decision like you’re on trial.

And then, sometimes? It’s worth engaging. But engage with curiosity, not combat.
If someone says, “Your clothes are too flashy for a pastor’s wife,” you might gently ask:

“Oh? What do you think a pastor’s wife should wear—and why does that matter to you?”

Then, calmly wait. When they respond, follow up with:

“What would happen if I disagree with your opinion or choose not to follow it?”

This kind of response disarms critics and reasserts your humanity. You are not a ministry Barbie. You’re a real person with a real call.

Helpful phrase for the fridge:
“I take God seriously. I don’t have to take myself so seriously.”

Smile. Breathe. Move on.

3. Know the Difference Between Criticism and Slander

Let’s draw a line here:

• Criticism might be poorly delivered, but it sometimes holds a kernel of truth.

• Slander is a whole different beast—intentional, false, and damaging. It’s a sin, not just a slip-up.

Just because someone says something doesn’t mean you have to receive it. But not every hard word is an attack either.

Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment:

• Is there something here that God wants to teach me, even if it stings?

• Or is this something I need to reject, confront, or set boundaries around?

You don’t need to be defensive—but you also don’t need to be defined by others’ dysfunction.

4. Address the Real Issue: What’s Under the Hurt?

Criticism stings most when it hits an unhealed place.

• “You’re not doing enough” might echo your fear of failure.

• “You’re too this or too that” might poke your longing to be accepted.

• “You’re the problem” might awaken your deepest insecurity.

If you can name the fear, you can face it—and let God heal it.

Let criticism reveal what needs healing, but don’t let it redefine who you are.

Functioning from fear will leave you either defeated or defensive.
Functioning from freedom will let you live rooted and at rest.

Need someone to walk through the deeper stuff with you? Reach out to bethel@practicalshepherding.org for care and support. You’re not meant to carry this alone.

5. Guard Your Heart Without Hardening It

We’re not called to develop armor-plated personalities. We’re called to have soft hearts and strong roots.

Yes, protect your heart. Yes, create healthy boundaries. But don’t grow so guarded that you shut everyone out.

Let your heart stay tender before the Lord. Be open to correction from the wise. And be fierce about filtering destructive voices.

Not every opinion deserves a seat at your table—or a lease in your mind.

Final Thoughts: Grace in the Grit

Ministry is beautiful, but it’s not for the faint of heart. And let’s be real—some of the sharpest arrows come from friendly fire.

When the criticism cuts deep, take it to Jesus first.
Not to social media.
Not to the group chat.
Not even to your most empathetic friend.

Jesus sees. Jesus knows. Jesus cares.

So, dear ministry wife—

You are not failing.
You are not alone.
And you are so much more than anyone’s opinion.

You are loved.
You are chosen.
You are called.

And you’re doing better than you think. 🌸