Conflict in Ministry: Questions to Ask Yourself
By Kellye Carmack
Over the years, I’ve had experience in different ministry settings. Mission teams, non-profit ministries, and local church ministry have been a part of my life since I was in high school. Each had the same goal of making disciples of Christ, and each had its own unique approach to fulfilling that goal. Ministry might look different, depending on the setting, but there is one aspect that nearly every ministry has in common: conflict. Whether it’s relational strains, personality clashes, or heated disagreements, every ministry will have conflict at some point because ministry involves people and people are sinful. If you have been in ministry for any length of time, you know what I’m talking about. If you browse social media for just a few minutes, you know what I’m talking about.
In Psalm 133 we see the beauty of brothers and sisters living in harmony:
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe.
It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.”
The way Christians relate to one another matters to God. He delights in seeing His children love one another well, and His blessing is on those who live in unity. Our enemy knows this and works hard against it. Believers who want to take the risk of living in deep fellowship with one another will inevitably face conflict. Ministry leaders must be prepared to handle conflict in a way that honors Christ. There are few things in life that mature a Christian like learning to handle conflict in a biblical way.
So how do we do that? The answer to that question is multifaceted, but I want to offer a practical tool that might be helpful. Conflict resolution requires that each party navigates their own heart in search of ways that we have contributed to the conflict. We do this by asking God to lead us in the search of “any offensive ways” within us (Psalm 139:23-24). A practical way to do this self-examination is with reflection questions. Below are a few questions to get you started.
Along with this exercise I would encourage you to do two things. First, read the book of Proverbs and ask if your words/actions have been wise or foolish. Second, discuss this with a trusted friend who can help you see your blind spots as we all have them.
Reflection Questions for Conflict Resolution:
1. James 4:1 says that fights are caused by the “desires that battle within us.” What has been my desire(s) in this conflict? How have I fought for that desire?
2. James 3:6 calls the tongue a fire that can corrupt the whole body. What fires have I set with my tongue?
3. What have I communicated in my tone and body language?
4. How am I praying for others who are involved in the conflict?
5. How am I talking about those who have hurt me or sinned against me?
6. How am I thinking about those who have sinned against me?
7. Have my actions or words contributed to another person’s hurt? If the answer is yes, what should I do to make things right with my brother/sister?
8. What are my assumptions about others who are involved in the conflict? Are those assumptions gracious or do they assume the worst?
9. In looking at the answers to the previous questions: How have I contributed to this conflict? What sin(s) have I committed in this situation? What could have been avoided had I responded/behaved differently? Who do I need to reconcile with and how do I do that?
Conflict is inevitable in Christian circles but in Christ, peace and reconciliation are always possible. The love of Jesus covers over the multitude of sins that we commit against each other. His grace is sufficient for all of us. Battles within our churches are disheartening but be encouraged—Christ won the victory before the battle even began.
Kellye is the Women’s Ministry Director for Practical Shepherding Women’s Ministry. She has an undergraduate degree in Biblical Studies and a master’s degree in Biblical Counseling. She served as a missionary in Western Europe for two years helping to share the hope of Christ with women in difficult situations. While in seminary, she met her husband Craig who is an associate pastor at their church in Louisville, KY. She loves helping women discover the unique ways God has gifted them to serve the church.