Dear Hurting Pastor's Wife
By Kellye Carmack
Dear Hurting Pastor’s Wife,
I know you went to bed Saturday night with a knot in your stomach and fear in your heart. You looked ahead to Sunday and all your energy immediately drained. You tried to think through the list of things that needed to get done before the pre-church morning rush, but your mind was too distracted. In the past week your family received one blow after another. You winced as you recounted the different ways you were stung by members of your church. That couple who met with the deacons in an effort to get your husband fired. Of all people, how could they? you thought to yourself as you wrestled with the sheets on your bed. The family who complained to you about your kids making too much noise in the service. Too far! Leave them out of this! The anger was beginning to surface and you were wide awake wondering how you could walk through those church doors the next morning. Why did I volunteer to teach Sunday school and sing in the service? I don’t even feel like showing up tomorrow, much less serve!
Friend, I am so sorry. You must feel like your are in the middle of a stormy ocean. The waves are crashing in, and you are just bracing yourself for the next hit. You must be worried about the toll this will take on your marriage and your children. That worry adds another weight to your already weary soul. Ministry wounds have a unique sting, don’t they? They are afflicted by those who you have cared for and sacrificially loved. Perhaps they are afflicted by those who you thought loved, and supported you. For those reasons, ministry wounds tend to run deep and can take a long time to heal, making it hard to continue serving your church. I just won’t try anymore, you tell yourself. I can’t risk getting hurt again.
The season of ministry you are in is so hard. I wish I could come to your home, sit on your couch, and listen to you share your stories. I wish I could carry part of this burden for you by listening and praying. One of the ways I would encourage you is by taking you to one of my favorite passages of Scripture. Psalm 116 is a powerful reminder that we can call on God for help. Verses 1-4 says:
“I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the LORD;
“O LORD, I pray, deliver my soul!”
When we are under attack or feel like we are drowning in a stormy sea, sometimes all we can do is cry out to God to rescue us. The same God who rescued you from sin and death can rescue you from a stormy season of ministry. That may not mean that your circumstances change or that the storm stops immediately. Rescue may mean that He calms your raging emotions, protects you from bitterness, or offers you perseverance to continue serving. Sometimes rescue comes in the form of unexpected rest. The Psalm continues in verses 5-7:
“Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. The LORD perseveres the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.”
How will you get up on Sunday morning and serve your church when you are hurting? God is a rescuer, He wants to rescue you. Before you decide to give up, call out to Him for help. He can give you strength and endurance to faithfully serve in the hardest of places. Instead of trying to figure out how you will survive the storm, cry out to Him to deliver you. God may want to lift you up and gently set you down by still waters where your soul can find rest in Him.
Kellye is the Women’s Ministry Director for Practical Shepherding Women’s Ministry. She has an undergraduate degree in Biblical Studies and a master’s degree in Biblical Counseling. She served as a missionary in Western Europe for two years helping to share the hope of Christ with women in difficult situations. While in seminary, she met her husband Craig who is an associate pastor at their church in Louisville, KY. She loves helping women discover the unique ways God has gifted them to serve the church.