Hidden Disability: A Ministry Mom on Display
By DeAnna Gibson
I remember ministry before Autism. Mostly well-curated, carefully unveiled at my own discretion, I hid most flaws and inconsistencies better left unseen. It would take a few years beyond my son’s diagnosis to begin relinquishing my need to be seen in a certain light as a mom and ministry wife, and to willingly be on display for Jesus and His purposes in me and my son. Even still, there are moments I internally fight this measure of exposure, and being in ministry amplifies this.
As Christians, so much attention is given to the concept that behavior reveals the heart, but with behavioral disorders like Autism, that is not always the case. For example, sometimes my son’s behavior is due to a perceived lack of safety—so he runs away and hides. Sometimes he acts out because of loud music, bright lights, or too many people. Sometimes a host of other reasons he cannot articulate keeps him from behaving in predictable ways. Autism is often referred to as a “hidden” disability because it is not immediately discernible by mere physical appearance. So to an onlooker his conduct often resembles “bad behavior,” which is an easy leap to the unrelenting thought, “Bad kid = bad parent.”
Sadly, the vast majority of families with Autism are not involved in a local church. While studying children with behavioral and social disorders, Dr. Andrew Whitehead’s research revealed that kids with Autism are more than 80% less likely to attend religious services than other children.
So, not only did I need to figure out how I could best serve in light of the challenges of my son’s new diagnosis, but I had a new goal: helping the church connect to individuals like my son, Autism and all. My child was going to be at services every time I was there, and I was going to be there every time the doors were opened. There was no other option. We were going to make this work. Because I knew this, I knew God would be faithful, and He would help me do what seemed overwhelming and impossible, but inevitably necessary.
As I embraced this, two convictions formed: 1.) Jesus and His church are as much for me as they are for my Autistic son, and 2.) The church misses out on something God has for us when it lacks the involvement of people with special needs.
In times of pleading with God to change my circumstances, to heal my son, to take away my vulnerability on display, He reminds me again and again, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). My frailty is not a remarkable failure. Redeemed, it is an opportunity for Christ’s power to be magnified against the backdrop of my weaknesses—but only if my neediness and dependence toward Him is on display as He wills.
Isobel Kuhn, Canadian missionary to the Lisu people of China from 1934-1950, wrote her reflections of enduring personal trials in her book, In the Arena. She wrote that her life was scrutinized most diligently when she suffered. Convinced that Christians are on display like someone condemned to die in the Arena, she wrote “There are times when it is a sacrifice to praise Him, in the human sense. In light of Calvary, nothing we can offer should be called sacrifice. But since there are so few things we can offer Him, this should be considered a privilege.”
Are you a Ministry mom of a child with special needs? Jesus is worthy of such an offering. Joyfully pouring yourself out time and time again to minister to your husband, children, and church family, especially when it is difficult, is a special act of worship that we can give to the Lord.
Are you struggling with feeling continually on display, with none of the “good stuff” showing? Do you feel overwhelmed as your hidden parts surface through your suffering for all to see in your public ministry? Know this: He is making His power known through those parts of you that you wish were hidden away. He is displaying His worthiness and glory through every exposed, tender part of your obedient life. He receives worship and honor as you trust Him and allow Him to use you in this incredibly unique way.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”
–2 Corinthians 1:3-5
DeAnna Gibson is the wife of Brett Gibson, Worship Pastor of First Baptist Church Powell, TN. DeAnna is the mother of three boys, one of whom has Autism. She writes at www.deannagibsonwrites.com, and shares resources on her Facebook Page: DeAnna Gibson, Autism Mom Blogger.