In Your Weakness, Learn the Language of Lament
By Liz Roy
Our lives are often riddled with disappointments, failures, broken relationships, sin, and loss. We experience the effects of a fallen world around us and within us. As ministry wives we have unique struggles that confront us within our own church body.
As a young Christian, I frequently turned inward to self-absorption and despair when life was hard instead of turning outward to God and godly sorrow. In the midst of pain, I often fell and—like Eve—I would doubt God’s goodness. I would even accuse Him of wrongdoing and stand over Him in judgment.
In God’s kindness, and over many years of walking with Jesus, I am growing to trust in His promises and character. Although I am still prone to stumble, and the enemy is always lurking around, the steadfast love of Christ is proving to anchor me more and more.
You might be like me and have known and depended on the lament Psalms in times of confusion or sorrow. They have been water when times are dry and grief is relentless. Lament Psalms typically fill us when our hearts are troubled because they speak a familiar language even though they were written thousands of years ago. Like us, the psalmists are often in the valley, depressed and in despair, and life seems to be against them. The psalmists express real hurts, real pain, and real emotion in real time. These aren’t prayers for “nice and tidy” Christianity. These are prayers for when sorrow runs deep and pulsates in our veins. The lament psalms echo through the ages indicating that we ache in this fallen world and want to make sense of pain.
As much as we might find comfort in the psalms of lament, we often don’t know how to practice lament. We don’t know the language of lament. It is tempting to limit lament to expressing our thoughts, feelings, and complaints to God and then asking Him to change our circumstances. We can be like the Israelites and stop short, grumbling our way to God. We hurt and we let God know. We are treated unjustly by others, and we express our pain to God with an attitude of self-righteousness. We experience the hardship of broken relationships, and we think we have a right to hold a grudge. We have unmet desires, and we accuse God of wrongdoing. How do we take these trials and bring them to the Lord in faithful lament?
In recent years the Lord has taught me how to lament through an excellent book: Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy. One of the many definitions of lament in the book states that “lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust” (Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, p. 28). Have you considered that your crushed dreams and hardships are meant to drive you to trust in God and in His promises and not only to complain to Him?
Author Mark Vroegop offers us a path of lament so that when the waves are crashing over us we find Christ to be the anchor of our souls (Hebrews 6:19). He suggests four steps as a way forward.
Turn— “The heart is turned to God in prayer”(Vroegop, 29).
Complain— “….complaint is more than a series of grievances. It is a path for reorienting your thinking and feelings.”; “…it must be done with a humble heart.”; “Proud demanding questions from a heart that believes it is owed something from God will never lean into true lament.”; “Come with your pain, not your pride.”; “We bring our complaints to the Lord for the purpose of moving us toward him”(Ibid, p.74, 77).
Ask boldly— ”…confidently calling upon God to act in accordance with his character. It is how lament moves from the why question of complaint to the who question of request” (Ibid, p.57).
Trust— “This prayer language is divinely designed to guide you to the spiritual safe harbor of confidence in God and praising his name.”; “Trust is believing what you know to be true even though the facts of suffering might call that belief into question. Lament keeps us turning toward trust by giving us language to step into the wilderness between our painful reality and our hopeful longings” (Ibid, p.54).
Whether it is our own personal suffering or the pains that come through ministry trials, we need to learn the language of lament. Practice writing your own laments as you sludge through difficulty. Give voice to your heart and seek shelter in Christ. Tune your heart to a new song of lament that might need to be on repeat as you learn to trust God in a season of sadness. As you reorient your heart to this new language, I promise you that Christ will meet you in your weakness and provide the respite your weary soul is seeking.
My disposition makes me one who is quick to see my sin and turn to Christ in confession and repentance. And while that is a good and godly way to walk with the Lord, it is not the only way! At times dark places may bring out sinful responses, but we need to look at what else is going on in our hearts. God’s Word is medicine to our souls and we need to know how to apply it for ourselves and others. Paul reminds us, “…admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1 Thess. 5:14). In the same vain we could say there is a time to confess and repent. There is a time to release fears. There is a time to offer up a sacrifice of thanksgiving. There is a time to renew the mind. There is a time to lament.
Author’s note: Not only is the book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy a helpful guide, but its companion piece, a devotional journal with the same title, can help you write out and practice lament.
Editors Note: We have a handful of these journals that we would love to send your way. Contact us and we’ll distribute them as supplies last.
Liz Roy is a pastor’s wife in Louisville, KY where she serves alongside her husband in their northeast Louisville church plant. She finds great joy in shepherding the women of her church and caring for their souls. She and her husband, Jay, have been married for 28 years; they have two daughters and one grandchild on the way. In her free time, Liz enjoys discipleship, writing, taking walks with her husband, running, and Earl Grey tea with cream. Liz serves as a volunteer mentor for Practical Shepherding Women.