Ministry Wife: You Are Seen
By Cara Croft
As a child, I remember watching my pastor’s wife. For some reason I was fascinated with all she did. She was a woman who played the piano on Sunday mornings, she taught classes on various crafts that she enjoyed, she organized women’s social events and she sat on the front pew at every service. Yet for all of my watching her, I did not “see” her.
Fast forward about 15 years when I became a pastor’s wife myself. I often thought back to watching her. I saw a lot of things that looked different between the picture she painted of ministry life and my experience of it. Yet there was one commonality between the two of us. We were watched but not seen. Our outside activities may be watched, judged and measured. The problem is, no one likes to be watched, especially when we feel like we are failing at what we are doing.
We watch a lot of things in our world. We watch in ways that entertain us, such as watching movies, sports, and tv shows. We watch to learn and observe, such as watching the weather or the birds. We watch our children to ensure they are behaving properly and safely. We watch and wait with things like cancer. We do a lot of watching. It reminds me of driving down the street and seeing one of those “neighborhood watch” signs. The ones that are to remind us that our actions are being monitored to make sure we do not do anything illegal. That can describe how it feels being the pastor’s wife. (not the illegal part, just the being watched part!)
The problem with watching is this, it is not the same as seeing. While we may not enjoy being watched, we deeply desire to be seen. As a counselor, some of the most impactful moments I have with clients is when I look into their eyes and simply say “I see you”. It is not the words that are so impactful. It is the actions that have preceded the words. A church member can say the words but if they have not taken time to know me, I still will not feel seen. When Adam and Eve sinned they went from being seen to hiding, and we have been struggling to climb out of those bushes to be seen ever since.
In this month, where our husbands are being recognized for their work with the church, some of you may be feeling very unseen. Even if there is an acknowledgment of your works in the church, you may still feel invisible. Because for all that has been watched about us, there is much more to be seen. My dear pastor’s wife, dear woman in ministry, you are seen. As you sit there on the pew with antsy children and church members judging your parenting, you are seen. In the business meetings when your husband is being attacked and you sit helplessly voiceless, you are seen. At home as you climb into bed, one more night alone, while your husband is at hospital visitation, you are seen. As you toil and work to plan events and care for church members, you are seen. While you sacrifice so much for it to only be judged as not enough, you are seen. I wish I could listen to each one of your hearts, hold your face in my hands, and whisper to you, “I see you”. I can’t. But God does. Reread Psalm 139 noting the intimacy of the words, the expression of God’s knowing and seeing us. He sees you, in the most intimate way possible, He sees you. And God says to you “well done my good and faithful servant”. My prayer for you this month, is that even if the church cannot see you, you may be able to rest in the sight of God.
Cara Croft is wife to Brian, mother to 4 adult/teenage children, and currently finishing her Master's degree in Christian Counseling. She enjoys counseling, reading, and growing in learning to care for the suffering. Cara is also the Director of Counseling Ministry at Practical Shepherding.