Ministry Wives, Church Is for You, Too
Glenna Marshall
Sundays are long days for ministry families. Whether we’re filling a specific role at church or getting the children dressed and fed alone and on time, ministry wives are often busier than your average church member on Sunday mornings, and gathering for corporate worship can feel more like work than worship.
I’ve been a pastor’s wife for twenty years, and my role in the church has changed depending on my season life. Most Sundays, you’ll find me printing bulletins before finding my seat at the piano, parenting from the stage (which was extra tricky when my kids were young), greeting people in the hallway, and trying to keep an eye out for visitors or members I haven’t seen in a while. Some weeks, I feel completely drained from keeping a mental tally of who was present, who needs encouragement, who needs a call or visit, who I forgot to talk to, and who asked to get together during the week. Sometimes church services seem to be for everyone but the ministry family.
It’s easy to let the heaviness of responsibility keep us from worshiping alongside our church family when we’re trying to keep track of names and faces and needs, but we must remember that ultimately, the Lord’s Day is set aside for us to worship the Lord with our fellow church members. Our responsibilities in serving are important, but when we gather as a spiritual family to worship Christ, we’re there to worship him just like everyone else. Sundays are for our worship because church is for us, too.
But how can we make the shift from work to worship when there’s so much to do?
PREPARE YOUR HEART
I used to feel so harried and rushed on Sunday mornings. I’d often arrive late, dragging my kids (with whom I’d likely fought about missing shoes or unbrushed teeth), and counting down the minutes until I could get home and take a nap. I felt guilty and unfocused the whole time. That changed for me many years ago when I sat through one of my husband’s sermons and felt the Scripture pierce my heart like an arrow, straight and true. I’d been fighting an area of sin in my life, and though my husband wasn’t aware, his sermon hit right where I needed it. With tears in my eyes and a mix of conviction and gratitude in my heart, I realized I needed to drink in God’s Word on Sunday mornings just like every other member sitting in our sanctuary. From then on, I began to purposefully plan for Sundays so that I could worship instead of feeling frustrated and unfocused.
For me, that meant getting up earlier than my family so I could spend some time with the Lord to prepare my heart. While morning devotions are a staple of my life, it’s tempting to let them slide on Sundays when we’ll be so saturated with teaching at church. But if I want to be engaged with the sermon, united with my church family in singing and praying, I need to spend time in the Word and in prayer beforehand.
What is your husband preaching on? Read that passage. Write down the questions or thoughts you have and see if he addresses them from the pulpit. Pray. Ask God to help you understand His Word and obey it. Pray for your husband, pray for your kids. Pray for your heart to be focused, pray for your church members, pray that the Spirit would convict, teach, comfort, and save. Pray that you would notice those who are discouraged or overlooked. Pray that your local church would make much of Christ and share him with your community.
When you walk into the sanctuary with a prepared heart, you’ll find it much easier to be fully engaged and focused. Church is for you, too, sister. Be all in.
PREPARE YOUR HOME
Getting up earlier on Sundays to prepare your heart will mean going to bed a little earlier on Saturdays. This isn’t a glamorous way to live, but the more I speak with and learn from other pastors’ wives, the more I realize we’re all in the same boat. We want to be fully present on Sundays with peaceful hearts ready to worship Jesus, but we have to make sacrifices to make that happen.
I use Saturdays to prepare as smooth an on-ramp as possible for Sundays. That means that on Saturday I make sure my kids have clean clothes laid out, I decide on breakfast options, plan for Sunday’s lunch and do any prep work that needs to be done. I pull my sheet music for corporate worship, pack the “church bag” with our Bibles and notebooks and the crayons for my second grader, make sure everyone’s shoes are in the right place (what is it with that one little kid shoe on Sunday mornings?). I also try to make sure the house isn’t a disaster before I go to bed in case there’s an impromptu invitation for someone to join us for lunch. It’s work. It is. But it’s good work because it will mean that my Sunday morning is smoother than it would have been, and my kids are not seeing a worked up, harried, short-tempered mom trying to wrangle them to church on time. They will resent our time at church on Sundays if I make the mornings miserable before we get there. Church is for them, too.
PREPARE TO BE UNPREPARED
Sometimes things just don’t go as planned. There’s a spill, an alarm that didn’t go off, a forgotten bag (or shoe), an ill-timed conversation in the church foyer, a volunteer who doesn’t show up, a pastor who isn’t feeling confident about his sermon. Sometimes the baby spits up on the way to the nursery, your teenager is grumpy, or you are grumpy. You can do all the preparation and still feel like Sundays are the longest, busiest, most tiresome day of the week.
Here’s what I want you to know: church is for you, too. The message of Jesus crucified and risen is for you, too. The good news of God’s love for you and His promise to sanctify is for you, too. The songs are for you to sing, too. The Word preached is for your ears, too. The bread and the cup are for you, too. No matter how your Sunday unfolds, remember that you belong to Christ and you are a part of his body, too. Not only a servant. Not only a volunteer. You are a family member. A living stone. A co-heir with Christ. So lean in, ask him to keep your heart soft, and worship the Savior who knows what it’s like to serve unseen.
Glenna Marshall is married to her pastor, William, and lives in rural Southeast Missouri where she tries and fails to keep up with her two energetic sons. She is the author of The Promise is His Presence: Why God is Always Enough (P&R), Everyday Faithfulness: The Beauty of Ordinary Perseverance in a Demanding World (Crossway), and (Forthcoming) Memorizing Scripture: Basics, Blessings, and Benefits of Meditating on God’s Word (Moody Publishers).