Why Am I Struggling to Pray?
Dr. Bethel B. Webb
If we treat prayer as a way to get God to do things for us, it’s not a surprise that we will eventually stop praying. Prayer becomes exhausting, disappointing, and pointless. But if we see prayer as an exercise of vulnerability and openness, then passages like Matthew 11:28–30 makes more sense. It reads: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” If we see prayer as a way to build trust and closeness with God, then passages like Psalm 145:18 makes sense. The psalmist says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”
Prayer is the exercise of releasing the burdens that we are carrying and thrusting it upon the tender and gracious presence of God. Think about it this way: When we are happy or distressed, there are certain people we reach out to express our emotions and thoughts to. If the person is welcoming and empathetic, you feel seen and heard. You feel refreshed and encouraged. The desired end is the same with prayer. When we pray, he wants us to know that he is listening, he sees your tears, and he sees the desires of your heart.
Are you having a hard time praying? Thankfully, we do not have to guess or reinvent the wheel. Jesus Himself gives us a model for prayer. Start with the Lord’s prayer.
Our father in heaven, hallowed be your name.
I love how Jesus starts the prayer with this sentence. This is not merely for God, but this for you. You need to remind yourself about who God is. We are forgetful people. It is good to remind ourselves and affirm the things you know about him. So you can say things like, “Father, you are listening to me. You have invited me to come to your presence. You are good Father who does not withhold anything good from your children.” Again, the goal here is to remind yourself that you are talking to your heavenly Father. Some of you might struggle to see God as a good Father. This next step might help.
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
The step I am proposing here might seem awkward and uncomfortable for you. But this is the moment in your prayer to lament. The statement “your kingdom come” is a reminder that we are still living in a fallen world, so everything is out of sorts. Take this moment to tell God your complaints, your suffering, your discomfort. Contrary to popular beliefs, God wants to hear about these things too. A good Father does. There are many verses in the Bible, especially in the Psalms that provides us with a model for lament. (See The psalms of “individual complaint” are: Psalm 3, 5–7, 13, 17, 22, 25-28, 32, 38, 39, 42, 43, 51, 54-57, 59, 61, 63, 64, 69–71, 86, 88, 102, 109, 120, 130, and 140-43. The psalms of “communal complaint” are: 44, 74, 79, 80, 83, and 89) Pray like the psalmist. Tell God your complaints with faith that His plans will be accomplished in spite of all the chaos and confusion in the world.
Give us today our daily bread.
This is the time to tell God what you need. If you are like me, I just give God a laundry list of things I need and desire. While this is a great step, it might feel daunting. Here is something you can do: make a list the things that God has blessed you with. This step is a reminder that God does care about your list of needs and He does hear you. If you want to go beyond listing material things that you need, you can use the needs wheel. It will help you put a name to your emotional needs that you may want to ask the Lord help for.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
This is your opportunity to tell God about your shortcomings and sins knowing that He is eager and willing to forgive you. (1 John 1:9) He already knows your sins, but the exercise of confession reminds you of that forgiveness. Sometimes we skip this part because we are afraid of feeling condemned and shamed. But shying away from this exercise does not address those emotions. Rather, I would encourage you to bring those feelings and condemnation and shame to God and he will send you comfort and assurance. Remember, the Holy Spirit convicts, but He never condemns. (Rom. 8:1) If you still feel condemnation after confessing, you might be hearing Satan or echoes of the voices of people who said words of condemnation over you.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
This is another opportunity to exercise vulnerability and humility. We need to be reminded that we are not sufficient or strong on our own. We need God to show you a better way than to get tangled into idolatry and self-sufficiency. This is the moment to express trust and confidence in God.
Wherever you are in your prayer life, remember that God is pursuing you to have a conversation with Him. Prayer is a way to build a relationship with Him and thus feel closer to Him. There is no better feeling than to be reminded that you just told the God of the universe your burdens, thoughts, and emotions. He promises that if you draw near to Him, he will definitely draw near to you. (James 4:8)
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES ON PRAYER
Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop
Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God by Timothy Keller
Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools: An Invitation to the Wonder and Mystery of Prayer by Tyler Staton
Bethel Webb was born in Manila and was raised in Laoag City, Philippines. She earned a BA in Social Sciences (2014) from the University of the Philippines-Baguio, an MA in Biblical Counseling (2018), and a Doctorate in Education (2021) from Southern Seminary. Bethel’s research interests are in Epistemology, Discipleship & Human Development, Christian education, Cross-cultural Education, and Biblical Counseling.
Growing up as a pastor’s kid exposed Bethel to the challenges of full-time ministry. She partners with Practical Shepherding through providing counseling to pastor’s wives.