Lessons From Ten Years in Ministry
By Liz Roy
In 2012, with my husband leading the way, we planted a church with three other families. We recently celebrated the church’s 10-year anniversary. It has been a joy to serve alongside my pastor husband over the past decade. I took some time to reflect on the many ways the Lord has stretched, shaped, and grown me through ministry.
My relationship with Jesus is primary. At times, I live as if the church is primary. When Jesus is preeminent in my heart, then I am mindful that I am a sheep too. I need the same love and grace of Christ that I desire for others in our body. God grows me as I spend time with Him in the Word, get to know Jesus through rich theological hymns, and enjoy Him in creation. (See Colossians 1:18)
God has given me the privilege of being married to my pastor! I have the most influence over him—either for good or for bad. I desire to be the aroma of Christ to him and not the aroma of death. Early on, I would critique my husband’s sermons on Sunday instead of sitting under the preached word of God. This was largely due to my own fear of man and what others thought of my husband’s preaching. There have been times that I have been his biggest critic instead of his biggest supporter. My words of encouragement are of utmost importance as he tries to faithfully follow the Lord and lead our church. (See 2 Cor. 2:14)
There is no role in the Bible for the pastor’s wife, but God has given us the task to be a suitable helper. I want my husband’s ministry to thrive, so we discuss together how I can help him. It has looked different at different times over the past ten years. Since we are now empty nesters, I am able to serve in ways that I was not able to when our girls were in the home. (See Gen. 2:18).
I need to be on guard against the idols my heart produces—especially the idol of ministry. At the same time, God has taught me to not confuse my role as a pastor’s wife with my identity in Christ. (See 1 John 5:21)
Hospitality begins in the pastor’s home! As we have been welcomed in Christ so should we welcome others into our hearts and home. It’s especially important to have those in your home whom you may find difficult to be around or different from you. You will be surprised how God grows friendships around a meal. And it doesn’t need to be an elaborate meal! (See Rom. 12:12)
The Spirit reminds me to be thankful for the people God has brought to covenant with us. Often, I have found I am thankful when others are growing in Christ. But, God is teaching me to be thankful even when I don’t see growth or they don’t want to grow. God has sovereignly placed them in His church for my good. (See Eph. 5:20, 1 Thess. 5:18)
I have to be vigilant and on guard against a heart that grows bitter and angry towards fellow saints by forbearing and forgiving. Forbear others’ weaknesses, faults, and disappointments. Forgive others’ sins that will most likely come in the form of hurts and criticisms. (See Heb. 12:15)
I should take note when I see someone serving in the body. When I see someone serving, I can send a text, write a note, or have a conversation with the person and encourage him or her. (See Heb. 10:23-25)
I’ve learned to pray for my church. Since we are in a small church, it is easy for me to keep a list of the women so that I can pray for one each day. In case you think I am a prayer warrior, I am not! I go through seasons where I am not praying or only praying for a few women. The Lord has taught me to not look at a “systematic” prayer list as a hindrance, but as a help to me. Mainly, because I am prone to be very self-focused when I don’t keep a list. The smallness of our body helps me to know struggles, desires, joys, burdens, and temptations of many of the women so that I can pray specifically. I usually send a postcard saying, “Praying for you today” or a text or note with what I prayed or a written out prayer (See Gal. 6:2, Col. 1:9).
I can let them see my weaknesses. When appropriate I share my struggles, fears, sins, desires, disappointments, and hopes with others in the church. (See 2 Cor. 12:9-10)
Be a cultivator of community, not a builder of walls. (See Rom. 2:11, James 2:1)
The enemy is real and wants to destroy my marriage and my husband’s ministry. Praying for my marriage and husband is vital and keeps me on guard. (See 2 Cor. 2:11, 1 Peter 5:8)
It is important to build and enjoy friendships within the church. (See Psalm 133:1)
Recognize my friendship with Christ. I have experienced seasons of loneliness, but I am reminded that Jesus is my closest friend and He is praying for me. (See Prov. 18:24, Heb.7:25)
Don’t only serve where you are gifted. Serve where you are needed. Start with the children’sministry—they are always in need! (See 1 Cor. 12:4).
Ministry wife, take heart and know that God is growing you too. Maybe the lessons God has taught me will spur you on to think about what He has been teaching you through vocational ministry. And may the lessons learned for all of us not only settle in our minds as information, but may these lessons transform us to be more like our Savior as we journey together.
Liz Roy is a pastor’s wife in Louisville, KY where she serves alongside her husband in their northeast Louisville church plant. She finds great joy in shepherding the women of her church and caring for their souls. She and her husband, Jay, have been married for 28 years; they have two daughters and one grandchild on the way. In her free time, Liz enjoys discipleship, writing, taking walks with her husband, running, and Earl Grey tea with cream. Liz serves as a volunteer mentor for Practical Shepherding Women.