By Kellye Carmack

After years of trying, my husband and I were still childless, and I was dragging myself through another Mother’s Day without children. I left that day feeling both the grief of my empty womb and the love of God through His people.

By Glenna Marshall

It’s been a strange, stressful three months for the church. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that we were not meant to be apart. Three weeks ago, our church began meeting in the parking lot—first in our cars and then in lawn chairs. That first week in the parking lot, I heard the distinct voices of my church family as we sang “The Doxology” at the end of the service, and tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn’t sing around the knot in my throat. On March 15th, a reprieve from church felt a little like a vacation following some ministry burnout. But, standing in the shade of the big trees in front of our church building so many weeks later, I listened to the voices nearest me, and I realized why even an outdoor service felt like a gift all these weeks later: we were meant to be together.

By Kellye Carmack

Pastors want to be faithful with the work that has been entrusted to them but many times this desire to be faithful is met with conflicting views of their plans and decisions. Those expectations can feel like added weight as they try to move forward. Expectations from the church often also extend to the pastor’s wife. Though there is no specific biblical role for her, she likely feels there are specific standards she must meet. Few other careers go as far as ministry in putting pressure and expectations on the whole family. That includes the pastor’s kid.

Churches have varying expectations of their ministry wives. And dear ministry wife—because you’re just one person, you’re going to fail to meet the myriad of expectations that an entire congregation of people have for you. The fear of becoming a failure in their eyes or of somehow damaging your husband’s ministry can weaken your resolve to set healthy boundaries for you and your family.

“It feels like heavy weights pressing down on my shoulders.”

“I would describe it like rope tied tight around my chest making it hard to breathe.”

“To me it is like rocks just sitting in my stomach.”

As I talk with pastor’s wives these are some statements I hear when they are describing the weight of expectations being placed upon them. Honestly, these are some of the words I have used to describe the same weight I often experience.

Each month we will answer a question from a reader as a part of our new “Practical Postcards” series. The questions asked for today’s post are: “How do we thrive in serving Jesus?”, “How do you get through the pain and move on”, and “How do you stop doubting what God has for you after being hurt so badly and unfairly?”

Today, perhaps more than ever, you have situations that you hope will change but no guarantee that God will change them the way you have asked. You feel like all you can do is pray, hold your breath and wait. The good news that you can be sure of is Jesus will never leave you. Your circumstances can change in an instant, but Jesus is always good and never changes.

As I’ve reflected on what God might want me to learn during these financially shaky days, I’ve been reminded that anytime he calls us to suffer in ministry, he is teaching us to lean more heavily on him than on our abilities or resources.

Relief has come in the form of not having to do the same crazy Sunday morning ritual. You know, the routine of trying to get kids dressed, fed, and out the door in time to make it to church. The routine of sitting in the pew alone while our husbands are preaching. The routine of fielding all of the pre and post church questions and concerns. The routine of facing the weekly expectations. The routine of conflicts and heated members meetings. The disruption to this routine feels relieving.

I’m sure you have heard the saying that you cannot lead someone where you have never been. As those who care for the spiritual and emotional needs of others we must be diligent to care for our own souls as well. There are many excellent books written specifically for those in ministry.

Last night while studying Scripture with other women I was convicted of a particular sin. It was one of those “ugly branches that needed cutting down” as Cara talked about in her post this week about autumn. It was both hard and good. We studied the passage from John 9 where Jesus healed the man who was blind from birth. As our teacher walked us through the story, I saw the deep compassion of Christ and my poor reflection of it. 

One of the reasons I love living in Kentucky is because we get to experience all of the seasons. Each season brings with it joy and frustration. The lovely blooms of spring coupled with the crippling allergies of the pollen. The warmth of summer quickly turned into suffocating heat and humidity. Winters soft, white snow that muffles out the noise of the world yet coupled with depressing grey skies clouding the brightness of the sun.

We laughed and cried as we marveled at God’s goodness to us. The few weeks that I carried our child were a gift I will always treasure. The joy we had was overwhelming and the grief that followed was crushing. 

Every year we pick a biblical theme to focus on at the retreat. This year, another girl and I are teaching on the doctrine of adoption. I’m excited to teach because nothing has impacted my life like Scripture. Nothing has shaped and reshaped my thinking like God’s word. I’m eager to share it with others.

We must take care of ourselves so that we are able to serve and care for others. Yet the concept of self-care often feels selfish, or unimportant compared to the other issues facing us on a daily basis. Today, we want to begin an on-going conversation around self-care and to offer a few ways that we try and practice self-care. 

I hung up convinced she couldn’t stand me. As I unlocked the door to my apartment I swallowed the huge lump forming in my throat. “What was I thinking?” I prayed out loud, “God, surely I am not cut out to be a missionary. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

It had been a hard week. It had been a week of caring for people who are suffering. It had been a week of helping my teenagers deal with living in a really broken world. It had been a week of facing people I care about breaking down physically, mentally and emotionally. It had been a week where the needs of everyone around me exceeded my own strength and ability.

Throughout all the changes, He stayed and He was the same. Every day and in every place. When I went to a new church or anxiously walked into an unfamiliar school, He was ahead of me and, at the same time, right next to me. In those years of transition I grew in the sweet assurance that I was rooted in Christ. 

I am human. It is that simple. I was made to need time and space because I was made within a constraint of time and space. I am human, I am not God. Only God is outside the realm of time and space. Yet that is not how he created humanity. He created us to be limited in time and resources. He created us with a need for rest and space to regain our resources. He created us with bodies and minds that break down and need to rest, with a soul that requires withdrawing to the lonely places to pray.

There are a growing number of women in ministry roles. Gifted female leaders and teachers are blessing the church with their gifts and wisdom. The single woman who has moved across the world to share the gospel is challenging the church with her courage. The woman leading worship has set aside her own career goals to serve the church. The Christian writer who wakes up hours before her family to labor over words and paragraphs she hopes will help others understand Scripture with greater clarity.